Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
