Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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