You made me cry and you don't even care
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
