Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
