I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
