Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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