We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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