watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
