I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
