Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
