The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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