She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
