Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My ATM looks so different sober.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
