i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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