Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
