her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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