I'm going to jail i love you
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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