literally had 100 drinks last night.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
