hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
