Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize