new low.... made out with someone while peeing
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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