Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
