Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize