So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
