remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
