I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Randomize
