Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like death gave me a hand job
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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