A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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