You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
