So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
