I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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