sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The best revenge is premature balding
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize