atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Randomize
