So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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