I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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