my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
