somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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