I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
