Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
