no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize