mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm like, not good at living.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
