Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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