I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
