Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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