Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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