He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
