The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
farters have to be the big spoon...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
