her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
time to smoke my breakfast
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
