if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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