I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
