Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
