No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize