So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
