Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
