i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
