I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
