is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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