Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
