I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
