And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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