then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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