What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
