I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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