Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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