I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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