hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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