Define "chronic" masturbator.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
