so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
