Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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