I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
