I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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