you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
