Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
But break dance skills will only take you so far
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize