someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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